Pathways Mediation Center, Kingston, NY

PARENT MAGAZINE
March 1, 2006
"Mediation: The Alternative to Bitter Divorce"
by Jeremy Schwartz

When couples recite their marriage vows, the refrain "until death do us part" is commonly part of the ceremony. Although these words are generally spoken with honesty and the best of intentions, divorce statistics tell a much different story.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, for every 1,000 residents in New York State in 2002, 3.4 had gone through a divorce, compared with a marriage rate of 7.3 per 1,000 residents.

A divorce is difficult in almost every circumstance, but especially when children are caught in the middle. A contentious breakup can leave children with emotional scars that are difficult to heal.

In recent years, an increasing number of couples have opted to forgo the courtroom for a different route. Divorce mediation and collaborative divorce have gained traction as couples, especially those with children, realize that divorce does not necessarily mean the end of their relationship.

Myra Schwartz, a Kingston-based professional mediator, is a partner in Pathways Mediation Center. According to Schwartz, couples that mediate their divorces in an amicable manner set a positive example for their children.

"The children learn problem solving skills. They see their parents being able to communicate in a secure environment, where everybody is heard, without rancor or screaming," she says.

Schwartz emphasizes the importance of maintaining a diplomatic relationship, even after a divorce.

"When you get married and have children, you're never really divorced. You always have to communicate vis-à-vis your children," she says.

Schwartz and attorney Josh Koplovitz are the team behind Pathways Mediation Center. Schwartz has 30 years of experience as an elementary and middle school guidance counselor, while Koplovitz has been practicing matrimonial and family law for more than 20 years.

Twenty-five years ago, Koplovitz helped to found the Mid-Hudson Divorce and Family Mediation Center, which he directed for 10 years. The center was organized by a group of lawyers, therapists and mediators who believed in a new paradigm for divorce proceedings.

Koplovitz and others helped establish guidelines and principles for divorce mediation. In the early years of the practice, the volume of mediations was slow, averaging about 20-25 per year.

Koplovitz says divorce mediation is something that every couple should consider, although it may not necessarily be viable at the outset of a break-up.

"The first stages of divorce or separation can be pretty emotional and hostile stuff. It's like when you have a physical injury. You take first aid and then the operation can come later," he says.

Koplovitz says the parties have to come to the mediation table in an organized fashion and be willing to commit themselves to working out a fair agreement.

"The court system is not going to give them that, it's going to make them pay and suffer," he says.

Before entering mediation, couples must work together to compile a list of assets, including assessments and valuations.

Koplovitz says many attorneys are loath to recommend mediation for fear of losing a client. For couples that choose mediation, the fiscal burden is far less than the court process, where a lawyer represents each side. By contrast, the mediation process is shorter and more cost-effective.

A three-hour mediation session and initial agreement at Pathways Mediation Center is performed for a flat fee of $1,500. The center offers a free one-hour consultation for couples to determine if mediation is the proper avenue for them.

"In a number of cases, the parties are able to resolve their differences and come to an agreement. Some cases take more time – 6, 7, 8 hours – because of complicated economic issues and with those we charge $200 per hour," says Koplovitz.

Koplovitz says a mediation, followed by an uncontested divorce averages about $3,500, while contested litigation can cost as much as $25,000. The fee for an uncontested divorce is approximately $400.

A mediation also allows the parties greater flexibility.

"These are tailor-made agreements that address the special needs, interests and concerns of the parties, because they are the ones putting it together. In a contested divorce, the lawyers tend to take charge. With a mediator, the clients set the standard. Anything is possible in mediation, there are no limits on the kinds of agreements that can be reached," says Koplovitz.

While Koplovitz expertise is in the legal arena, Schwartz's experience focuses on visitation and custody. As a guidance counselor, Schwartz saw the effect of divorce first-hand.

"Teachers had to have separate meetings with parents. Students would act one way with one parent and a different way with the other," says Schwartz.

Koplovitz says Pathways Mediation Center works to bring couples to a common ground, to build trust and respect.

"We try to find areas of commonality, so that couples can work together in a positive way. The husband, wife and mediators work together in a very relaxed atmosphere," he says.

What is collaborative divorce?
Collaborative divorce expands the mediation model to include a larger team of professionals helping a couple through the divorce process. Kathryn Lazar was a founder of the not-for-profit Mid-Hudson Divorce and Family Mediation Center, Inc. in Hopewell Junction.

Lazar began practicing divorce law in 1976, opening her own practice in 1980. She found herself unsatisfied about the options available for couples. "I decided that in the court system, there was no mechanism to handle divorce in a respectful way," she says.

After reading Structured Divorce Mediation, by O.J. Coogler, Lazar began investigating mediation. She and social worker John Haynes attended a five-day workshop on the method in 1982 and the center was formed later that year as an interdisciplinary, not-for-profit organization.

The organization was evenly split between attorneys and mental health professionals.

"There was a good deal of cross-training. The psychologists taught the lawyers and the lawyers taught the psychologists," she explains.

Through the years, Lazar has handled hundreds of mediations. In recent years, she has become a strong advocate for collaborative divorce.

"Each party has a lawyer and a coach. The couple also has a financial advisor and a child specialist. The collaborative practice is a richer approach. The clients get a lot more support to resolve their differences out of court. Mediation is less expensive, but it doesn't have that richness. Collaborative divorce is still less expensive (then litigation) but it's so much more efficient," she says.

Lazar says the cost to a couple for collaborative divorce averages about $8,000.

At the beginning of the process, the lawyers for each side sign a contract that disqualifies them from going to court. From there a series of four-way meetings occur between the couple and their attorneys.

The couple also meets with coaches, who are social workers and psychologists. "The coaches help the couple develop ground rules, such as not arguing in front of the children. The coaches are trying to help people be their best selves," explains Lazar.

According to Lazar, collaborative divorce is the wave of the future.

"Collaborative divorce is taking off the way I thought mediation would take off. I've seen a lot of miserable divorces and I have a strong desire to help people avoid that. We invite people to bring their best selves to the table," she says.

Jeremy Schwartz is a freelance writer living in the Hudson Valley.

For further information on Pathways Mediation Center, call them at 845-331-0100.

PATHWAYS MEDIATION CENTER
239 Wall Street · Kingston, NY · (845) 331-0100 · Fax (845) 246-1967 · E-mail